Oscar MADNESS!

In thinking about what to write about today, I couldn’t decide if I should talk about me waking up this morning and walking straight into my bathroom door, (it’s NOT fun, believe me, my face still hurts) or if I should talk about the wonder of the city that is Wacko Waco that I went to this weekend (really the only wonder Waco contains is the Dr. Pepper museum).

I finally decided to make a mini-recap of last night’s Academy Awards. For the most part, they were extremely boring. Maybe it was just me, but I wasn’t rolling on the floor laughing so hard at Chris Rock’s jokes, but then again, I’m not a rich, stuck-up, Hollywood snob so I probably wouldn’t understand those jokes.

Anyway, they lasted longer than three hours and two of those were taken up by Beyoncé’s 10,000 performances. Shortly after the show she was admitted into the Guinness Book of World Records for the most performances in any show EVER. First we were dazzled/confused by her R&B rendition of a French Boys’ choir song from The Chorus, then we were driven into depression by “Learn to be Lonely” from Phantom of the Opera, also sung by Beyoncé, and finally a duet! This one featured the great singer, Josh Groban with “Believe” from Polar Express. He actually sang the song by himself for the movie but since Beyoncé’s here anyway, why not just throw her on in?! And throw her in they did, making it her third performance of the night. Now, surely with all the effort put to getting Beyoncé to learn these songs, you’d think one of them would win, but then you’d be wrong. No no no, none of those songs won, nor did the hip Counting Crow’s song “Accidentally in Love” from Shrek 2. The song that won was of course, was the worst/WEIRDEST performance of the night. “Al Otro Lado del Rio” (which roughly translated into English means “The Polluted and Decaying River”) from the Motorcycle Diaries won the Oscar for best original song after a riveting performance from Zorro himself, Antonio Banderas. There’s not really ANYTHING I have to say about that. (PS, if you listen to the song, count how many times he says “luce” I’m trying to and so far I count about 2,000)

There were of course many other things I noticed about the Oscars, such as, WHO thought it would be a good idea to put two women (Penelope Cruz, who's career so far, that I know of, has only consisted of dating Tom Cruise, and Salma Hayek) who BARELY speak English, in charge of giving out TWO awards? It took about 15 minutes for them just to read the nominees’ names and the only words I’m PRETTY sure they said were “Best Sound Mixing” but that’s only because they were written at the bottom of the screen. Also, Prince apparently thought the fact that he didn’t know ANY of the nominees names that he was announcing was funny because he laughed the whole time he mispronounced them. Sorry Prince if you think it’s funny that other people use REAL NAMES instead of a position of royalty or a SYMBOL that you can’t even dictate at ALL…

I also thought the awards that they gave away AT the nominees’ seats were a little sad, I mean, do they think these people are too ugly to be put on stage or something? They might as well just give them the awards in a dark alley if they’re so afraid of showing them to the world. I think they’re just a little worried about how the techies will show up after director Peter Jackson from Lord of the Rings showed up to the Oscars last year like it was all-you-can-eat ribs night at Colter’s Barbeque.

I was happy for Hilary Swank and Jamie Foxx and SOOO happy that the freakin Aviator didn’t win best picture. Hilary better be glad the Academy didn’t watch her SNL before the voted because Kate Winslet might have been walkin’ home with Oscar last night instead. (PS: Kate’s sketch with Amy Poehler playing the 8 year old step daughter of RICK who wanted to get her ears pierced, is one of my all time favorites, "RIIIIICK RICK RICK RICK RICK! I don‘t wanna get my ears pierced anymore Rick…").

Oh goodness… The joy of watching millionaires award themselves with gold-plated statuettes and $100,000 gift bags…

*READERS RESPONSE QUESTION*
Disney and Pixar's The Incredibles took home the Oscar for best animated feature... I feel that Shrek 2 was robbed! What do you think? Please include your thoughts a comment... (If you even suggest that Shark Tale should have won, I will stop being your friend... If I ever was in the first place)
*END OF QUESTION*