Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Security Breach

Well now that all of our favorite TV shows are coming to an end with their season finales and what not, I figured this would be the best time for me to come back with the blogs to keep you entertained over the summer. I was on a bit of a hiatus but now you can expect there to be new entries regularly.

WELL WELL WELL. Summer’s here folks! As if you couldn’t tell by the 100 degree temperatures and dry atmosphere. I’ve been looking forward to this summer for a long time now. I’m so over being cold and not being able to jet ski or anything. I think this time around I’m kickin’ it old school. Do you remember Slip and Slides??? HELLO. Welcome to the most fun EVER. And also welcome to paying $15 for basically what is a very long trash bag that you can hook a hose up to. But now they’ve gotten all fantsy-pantsy with their ramps and sprinkler systems. Apparently there is now a “Snoop Dog Slip and Slizzide” which comes fully equipped with chrome-plated siding…

This summer I hope to travel to NYC and see Hairspray and Wicked, along with making a trip to China Town… love that place. But ya, speaking of traveling: the last time I went through airport security I had a bit of a skiddattle. Before I went through the metal detector at DFW, the security woman, Francine, asked if I was wearing a belt, to which I answered, “Yes, but it’s never gone off in the metal detectors so it should be OK.” Well, Francine wasn’t satisfied, she insisted that I take off the belt because their metal detectors are “EXTRA sensitive”… Well I took off my belt reluctantly, partly because the woman scared me, and partly because my pants were too large and were close to falling down. I then walked through the metal detector and the FREAKIN thing went off! WHAT?! I check my pocket and I have a STUPID tin box of Eclipse Mints in my pocket (don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful but really annoying when going through a metal detector) so I have to go BACK to the front where Francine has a wicked smile on her face and says, “WELL. It looks like you went off ANYWAY... MR. SMARTY!”

Well, first of all. WHAT did you just call me?! SECOND of all, Do you KNOW who I am? Does SHOWBOATER ring a bell to you??? And Third of all, WHAT kind of name is Francine. Needless to say, I’m appalled that she was so rude to me, for once in my life I actually HAD NOT been smart to her. But then I suddenly was, “WOW. You must not have ANY friends!” I said VERY smartly back to her as I threw my mints in the bucket (only after I offered to give her the can cuz she totally needed them) and immediately walked through the metal detector, retrieved my other belongings, and got on my flight.

OK. Maybe I didn’t really say that, but I TOTALLY wanted to. Instead, I just gave her a really mean look. But she totally got the picture. NO ONE messes with Adam Rucker.

Oh airport security, there’s nothing better than having your infant child wanded for explosives while you’re bag is being opened and its contents spread across in the airport for all to see.

Gotta love it.

*DING* You are now free to move about the country.