Hit Me Baby One More Time

Thanks to all you faithful readers out there (or 10 of you that repeatedly click your refresh button to see how high you can get on the counter) my blog has officially reached 1,000 hits and CLIMBING!!! Woohoo. So I thought, what better way to celebrate than reminisce about the past. I now present the Best of Ruckerblog...

Death of a Salesman:
"If they want to be all buddy buddy with me then they need to give me their employee discount and they're free to act like my friend (just so long as they don't actually try and talk to me). "

Shaping the Way We Live:
"And Freed's Furniture. I'm sorry, but no one goes to Freed's. It's that old ugly brown box building off of the highway. And if you notice in the commercials, it is the SAME lady that walks through the building every time which obviously means she wasn't satisfied with what she had bought before or it just fell apart on delivery."

The Simple Life:
"I can't say that I enjoy canoe-type boats as much as motor boats and jet skis because it's obvious, canoes take some sort of effort. Not that I don't like to expend energy, but these days energy is so scarce that it might not be in our best interest to waste it on simply rowing across a lake when you could easily have a motor do it."

Goo Gone is MY LIFE:
"Such phrases as "Tivo Stinks" and "Tivo Sucks" were written on my car at the SAME TIME. Then today I pleasantly woke up to find "Go back to Mexico. Arriba!" on my car... Anyway, forget the fact that this is completely bizarre, after this I discovered the wonder of Goo Gone. I had used Goo Gone before to get duct tape residue off of my car and was very satisfied, however I had no idea that it would also work wonders on shoe polish. I spent about 20 minutes scrubbing with water and soap to get the writing off, however that did not work. So I found my Goo Gone, gave it a spray on the window, and literally, the polish came off with the gentle wipe of a rag. I am very pleased with Goo Gone, and you will be too. GO BUY SOME!!!"

Gettin DIRRTY!!!:
"We must have spent 10 minutes discussing the differences between mulch, top soil, and compost. Incase you don't know what each of these is: mulch is a combination of bark substances or wood chips that create a nice visual effect on the top of a garden, top soil is just plain dirt, and compost basically a pile of trash that after weeks and weeks of rotting becomes good soil that you can plant from. However it was decided that although a compost pile may produce desirable soil, the smell from it may negate the positives about it."

Shark Attack!:
"Surely enough, the DEAD snake with NO HEAD starts pulling up it's headless neck at us! I'm pretty sure I just screamed really loud when this happened. Then I realized that a dead, headless snake can do NOTHING to harm you. So we got back to the cabin just fine. I mean really though, how embarrassing would that be to say that you got bit by a snake with no head."

Mean Girls:
"Toward the end of the meal, we see this man staring at us through the glass partition by the door. Just, staring. Then, he proceeded to press his face against the glass like a 4 year old child (this caused some kids at the table to laugh, which unfortunately only encouraged him more). This man wouldn't stop, he then started to lick the window with his face was against it as we were waiving our silverware at him to scare him away. All of this is finally stopped as a woman walks up and goes, "ALFREDO! What are you doing?!" It reminded me of the Full House episode where DJ brings home an old guy from the nursing home without signing him out and then he ends up judging the neighborhoods dog competition where first prize wins a Pooper Scooper..."

What is the WORLD Coming To?!:
"But seriously, here we have this woman who's never done anything wrong but help you waste money on Taiwanese-made goods from K-Mart, and she's going to JAIL! I can not IMAGINE what it will be like for her. I mean seriously, SERIOUSLY. She has so many decisions to make before she gets there. I mean, what count linens should she bring? What colors would best accent the features of her room, I mean, cell. I can't help but imagine all of the grief she will go through every day, they'll probably all make her do their laundry. Heck, I would if Martha moved in next to me. I'd have her cookin, cleanin, and making lots of those sculptures out of watermelons. "

Come back tomorrow for a FREAKIN AWESOME suprise that I will be announcing!!! WOOHOO!