Riff Raff

Don't tell me you've never thought about what Disney character you would be if you could. Well, let me tell you, I have. There are so many to choose from.

I mean, the most obvious one for me to be is Hercules, but that'd be a little egotistical of me. Another is Pinocchio but that kid was crazy, let's face it, he was a talking puppet and that is just disturbing. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast is just mean, and the Beast is well, gross. Simba from The Lion King has to much stuff to take care of with all the hyenas and other animals wreaking havoc and I just couldn't handle the stress. Plus my skin doesn't tan very well so you can imagine how burned I'd be in that hot African sun day in and day out. And I didn't even consider any of the characters from the Disney and Pixar movies because I really would like the challenge of living in a two dimensional world. So that leaves only one more person I could be. Aladdin.

Aladdin's just cool. After all, he has his own self-titled movie, along with like, 50 sequels and also has a special edition DVD available right now! But seriously, the kid has nothing at first right? Then all of a sudden he gets a genie, becomes a prince, and has a flying carpet. If anything, I'd be Aladdin just for the flying carpet. He also has a very special lady friend, Jasmine. But the coolest part EVER would be having his pet monkey, Abu. He's just the coolest ever. I've always wanted a pet monkey, although from what I can tell in the movie, Abu's pretty greedy, self-centered and is VERY irritable.

There are some drawbacks though to having all these things that Aladdin has. I'd like having the genie there with me to do stuff for me, but all the singing songs and changing bodies would really get to me and probably rack up my Excedrin bill. And I noticed that that rug has an ATTITUDE. It gets all upset when Aladdin doesn't take him with him and has this sad puppy face look as it walks off. Aladdin was dumb enough to take the carpet with him anyway. But I guess he had no choice, camels are slow and gas prices are outrageous now.

Geez. Maybe I DON'T want to be Aladdin... No, no I really think it would be fun. I just wouldn't want to have to face off against a giant Jeffar snake and I'd have to keep myself from burning the carpet, locking up the genie, and abandoning the monkey. Ehh... Maybe I'll just have to forget the whole two-dimension thing and just be Bullseye, the horse in Toy Story 2.