Thursday, September 30, 2004

Puppy Love

So I just realized that I rarely talk about anything more than my food and TV preferences. I decided that I would tell you a little bit more about myself. Most importantly in my life, I have two dogs, Sandie and Lucy. Sandie is an 10 year old mutt from the garland dog pound. We got her when I was in the 2nd grade after my house got broken into by a crazy man in a beat up white van (Call Garland Crime Stoppers at 972 272-TIPS if you have any information leading to the arrest and conviction of this man). I think Sandie has some issues though, every time the beeper on my mom's computer backup system goes off, she FREAKS OUT (Sandie, not my mom). This also happens during a storm, she will LITERALLY never leave my side. But let's take it back a few years, when we first got Sandie my brother thought it would be "funny" to train her to ATTACK me on command. No, I'm not kidding. Anyone in the family could simply say, "Get him Sandie!" and she would find me WHEREVER I was in the house and start chomping down on my legs. One time I actually broke down where I called for the dismissal of Sandie from the family because I couldn't take the abuse anymore, but the family responded with "If Sandie goes, YOU go too." I didn't really have a choice then. News spread though about Sandie's special talent of attacking me and our neighbor even asked if we could have her attack me so she could record it on video... Thanks a lot.

Our other dog is Lucy. We got her about 4 years ago. She's a Maltese and doesn't really know that much. In fact, I'm not sure she really thinks, ever. She also can't jump so we always have to lift her onto the couch and what not. When we got Lucy it REALLY caught Sandie off guard. It was like having a new baby sister. Sandie was pretty mad actually, but it ended up good. Sandie got a lot of excercise with the new pup around and was able to use her attacking skills on Lucy rather than me (in a playful way, she never drew blood or anything). Now that my sister isn't living in the house anymore (at least not while she's at school), both dogs sleep in my room. Lucy has a crate because we just CAN'T trust her. Sandie didn't have a crate at first but OH MY GOSH when you have wood floors in your room and your dog is constantly walking around ALL NIGHT finding the perfect spot, it really makes you want to hurt it. Sandie now has a crate too...

When we got our lake house the dogs LOVED it. Sandie IS a lake dog, Lucy is NOT a lake dog. Sandie is very rugged, she doesn't really like swimming in the lake, but is always up for a ride on the Sea Doo. Lucy isn't rugged at all but we throw her into the lake sometimes, and it's REALLY funny. Sandie knows when we're going to the lake too cuz she has that sense or something, if we say SANDIE LET'S GO TO THE LAKE, she like, FREAKS OUT and jumps in the car. However, if we get all ready for the lake and aren't taking her, she gets TICKED OFF. Like really mad, one time after we got back from the lake when we didn't take her, she didn't talk to me for two whole days, it was scary.

All this dog talk reminded me about Clifford the Big Red Dog. I never understood this book. I mean that dog wasn't big, it was freakin HUGE. I don't think that a children's book titled CLIFFORD THE FREAKIN HUGE RED DOG would sell very many copies... But seriously, how much food did it take to feed him daily? I would get so tired of carrying those huge bags of dog food from the store, and since shut down like, 10 years ago, you couldn't even have the food delivered.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

How Do YOU Eat Your Reeses?

It's one of those questions that has been around forever, almost as long as "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop." Except, I don't like Tootsie Rolls, nor Tootsie Pops. And that commercial they used was ANCIENT, the one with the animated owl that after only three licks BIT OFF the sucker and said it only took three licks. That TICKED ME OFF because there was NO WAY it was only 3, he was just an old lazy owl. But anyway back to Reese's. I ate like 5 of the normal-sized ones in a row last night and that was after I had a huge dinner. I'm thinking it's my way of responding to the depression that will come when I go through this week without the Amazing Race and Amish in the City (both of which had their season finales last week). But ya, I LOVE Reese's which is weird because I pretty much don't like any other candy. In my room I have a bag full of regular-sized Reese's and then this HUGE mug full of the mini ones (I got the mug at the Hershey's store in Times Square, AMAZING). I think if I eat the mini ones, I feel like I can eat more cuz they're smaller, but then I end up eating like, 20 of them...

The actual TOPIC of this though is how do YOU eat your Reese's. I eat mine like so: after removing the wrapper, I begin to break off the outer border or the cup. I eat the entire border leaving only the soft center. I then take the center and put it in my mouth letting the chocolate melt away as if it's a mint. I then chew up the rest of the peanut butter, and I am finished. It's pretty basic, probably not very original, but ehh, it's good to me. There's some psycho ways they show to eat it on those commercials though, I hope no one really breaks out a hedge trimmer just to cut out the center.

I just realized that I also like Oreo's. I however, only like Oreo's when I eat them this way: (it must be a double stuffed Oreo) Put the Oreo in a short glass of milk, all the way, just drop it in. Take a spoon and swirl it around, (be careful not to break the Oreo) then when cookie is sufficiently soft, take out with spoon and consume. YUUUUUUUUUUM.

I swear this is all I'm going to say, but as I was writing, I realized that both Reese's and Oreo's are possesives, as if Reese and Oreo are actual people. First of all if they ARE real people, I want to meet them because they seriously have changed my life. And second, I can only hope that they are on a strict diet and excercise regimen because WOW if all you eat are Reese's and Oreo's, well, just think about it...

Monday, September 27, 2004


OK so if you HAVEN'T seen this movie, I don't know WHO you are because the last 4 people on earth that hadn't seen it all watched it Saturday. That was great. It's wonderful when someone can totally get into a movie, so much that they blurt out things that are answered by Lindsay Lohan's voiceover.

Now let me explain, homecoming was Saturday night right? Before we watched Mean Girls, my group went to eat at PF Changs. I'll start from there. So PF Changs right? I have reservations for 12 at 9:30, we ended up having to add a couple of people to the list (which was fine) but we had to wait a little longer. It ends up that almost all of our table is ready, except we need ONE more small table that is being occupied by two women (North Dallas women I might add) that are doing absolutely NOTHING. Not eating, not drinking, not even talking, just sitting. If they WERE doing anything, it was staring at us. Now I don't really blame them cuz we were a bunch of kids walking around in suits and dresses talking about how HUNGRY WE WERE. And then we began to stare at them until they left. Then it ended up that the hostess found us another table instead... Whoops.

So dinner was delicious, I had Mongolian Beef, Sweet and Sour Chicken, and a Lettuce Wrap. Toward the end of the meal, we see this man staring at us through the glass partition by the door. Just, staring. Then, he proceeded to press his face against the glass like a 4 year old child (this caused some kids at the table to laugh, which unfortunately only encouraged him more). This man wouldn't stop, he then started to lick the window with his face was against it as we were waiving our silverware at him to scare him away. All of this is finally stopped as a woman walks up and goes, "ALFREDO! What are you doing?!" It reminded me of the Full House episode where DJ brings home an old guy from the nursing home without signing him out and then he ends up judging the neighborhoods dog competition where first prize wins a Pooper Scooper... WOW. Anyway, the window was left with some streaks or, "Alfredo Sauce" as I called the substance, and we quickly finished our dinner and got as far away as we could.

After all of the PF Chang madness is when we watched Mean Girls. Like I said, AMAZING. The whole point of the movie is to break down the barriers of girls in the world that hate each other for no reason. However, what the movie seems to be doing is building hatred between real girls and the actresses that play the girls in the movies. For instance, some people have a DEEP hatred for Lindsay Lohan (you can substitute Hilary Duff for Lindsay, or you can hate both depending on your personal preference). I though, can not understand how you could hate someone that you don't even know. All you know of them is that they're rich and have everything they want (at least everything tangible that they want). Now I'm not defending these celebrities by any means, you can NOT LIKE them all you want, but seriously, the horrible hatred for these people that you'll never meet in your life needs to stop because it's kinda scary (and really sad at the same time). WHEW. Glad I got that out. But back to Mean Girls, get the DVD, it has a great blooper reel, deleted scenes, and a Public Service Announcement that everyone must see.

BTW, if you haven't seen the Lindsay Lohan SNL with the Debbie Downer skit, you're TOTALLY missing out because it's the best ever.

"This is a battle that this administration WILL WIN."

I know what you're thinking, that must be the latest quote from the President about the war in Iraq... No, no, no, of course not! That is actually (and I'm not kidding) a direct quote from one of the assistant principals at school in reference to the shirt-tail-tucked-in policy. Wow...

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Super MADNESS!!!

OK guys I am SO excited. No wait, I take that back, I'm SUPER excited for the grand opening of the new SUPER SAVER! Forget about that old run down, rudely-run, smelly, sticky-floored, non-stocked Albertsons, and welcome Super Saver into your life. Now, I haven't actually been IN the new store, but honestly, if they did ANYTHING to Albertson's it's probably better... But what really impressed me about SS was not the newly painted off-white and red walls but the fact that in order to celebrate opening, they offered pony rides. Do you REMEMBER pony rides? OH YES, I DO. I went to first grade in Mesquite so every day on the way home, we would pass the pony ride carosel thing. Those were the days, when riding on an undergrown horse that was attached to a steel bar, forcing it around and around in a circle was amusing. Now, when you're NOT four years old, you finally realize that it can't be fun for a horse to walk in circles constantly staring at the behind of the horse in front of it while carrying a either 1) obnoxious and screaming kid that tells you to go faster, 2) a kid the cries the ENTIRE time, or 3) the ever so popular combination of both 1 and 2. Anyway, Super Saver had one of those, however, after I just wrote all of that, it doesn't sound like as much fun as it used to be...

I do have to give SS some credit though, they actually had an inflatable that HAD a purpose. It said GRAND OPENING. WOW! So simple, yet, for some reason some people don't understand how to advertise. (To fully understand my ranting, see ACCEPTANCE IS THE FIRST STEP)

In conclusion, (like how I went back to the days of freshman english essays?) since I haven't been inside, I can not tell you if Super Saver will be good or not. However, I can tell you, if they don't have self check-out, it is not cool and I won't be going there. (I guess since Albertson's is gone I can get rid of the Preferred card on my keychain...loser...)

Thursday, September 23, 2004

TV Land

Some one is seriously out to get me. WHY when everything is just going perfect, someone has to go and screw everything up again. I'm sure yall know what I'm talking about. That's right, COMCAST. Who do they think they are? Do they really think they can just go and move the Disney Channel from 44 to 60, and just get away with it? I mean seriously, I've had my fingers trained to the controllers for years so that they naturally just find the right channel. I can only assume that with basically every channel changing positions it will take months to retrain my fingers. Here's a brief breakdown of where the channels are now on basic cable:

59: Nickelodeon (but honestly does ANYONE watch that anymore???)
60: Disney
61: ABC Family
62: Cartoon Network
63: GSN
70: VH1 (Thank the LORD they didn't move)
73: MTV
44: TBS
49: E!
12: UPN

CRAZY. JUST CRAZY, I mean really. But something even more weird to me is not that all the channels changed, but that there is now a Dallas Cowboys CHANNEL. It's too bad that it's only on digital cable, MAN! I was just so anxious to be able to watch a channel with NOTHING but the Cowboys... Oh well.

In other TV news: Martha Stewart and "Survivor" creator, Mark Burnett, are teaming up to make a new reality show. No one has really said what the show will be about, but you can only assume that it will involve some sort of cookie-baking and wreath-making challenges. I'm thinking elimination ceremonies could be sort of like the Iron Chef and each person is given like, $5 at Hobby Lobby and 100 popsicle sticks to make the best crafty item and the worst one gets kicked off... But that's just MY guess. No word yet on when filming will start but you can bet it will be at least five months. (While Martha's in JAIL, there really would be a limited number of locations to shoot between the cell and the cafeteria) However, if they did start filming after that, it would have to be at the home she's confined in and they would have to limit shots of her from the waist up to ensure that her ankle monitor isn't too distracting.

Today CBS was fined $550,00 by the FCC for, we'll call it, "exposing" Janet Jackson to the world. Each local station owned by CBS was fined $27,500 as well (including Dallas's CBS11). But I feel bad for Janet in all of this because I for one, have wardrobe malfunctions ALL the time and I would HATE it if my unfortunate situation was blown up into a huge deal giving me free publicity around the world right before my newest CD was about to come out, that would be so horrible...Too bad really though, WHAT is up with CBS lately, they can't seem to keep themselves out of the news... Speaking of CBS, CONGRATS to Chip and Kim for winning The Amazing Race and beating COLIN AND CHRISTIE, UUUUUUUUUGHHHH, DO NOT like them...

AAAAAAAAAnyway. I have nothing else to say, except that Amish in the City AND The Amazing Race are both over so I have pretty much nothing to do now...

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Let's Play PYRAMID!!!

I've always wanted to be on that show... Of course, I know I would crack under the pressure, I probably wouldn't even get many points in the food round, which would be very unlike me. But what I really mean to talk about when I say "pyramid" is the FOOD pyramid. SERIOUSLY, what happened to it? I thought the food pyramid used to be like THE way to eat. Now we have Atkins, South Beach, and Jenny Craig telling us how to consume our food. I think just for the heck of it, I'm going to come out with a book called The Pyramid Diet. Go old school. It'd be HUGE! Pretty much anything book that starts with "The" and ends with "Diet" becomes a national best seller. No doubt one day big celebrities will finally realize this and find ANOTHER way to make more money. We'll have The Oprah Diet, The Celine Dion Diet, The J. Lo Diet, and probably The Friends Diet because it looks like they'll probably never stop marketing that show. I can't say that I've ever actually FOLLOWED the food pyramid, unless chips, hot sauce, and enchiladas are all spread out among the sections. But let's think about that for a second, chips and tortillas would be corn, hot sauce is tomato, so there I've already got two vegtables. Then beans would be like, my bread serving (I know, I'm stretching it a bit). OOO queso could totally be my dairy serving, and chili con carne my meat. I'm TOTALLY using four out of six sections of the pyramid so all I'd have to do is pop a few grapes and eat a cup of pudding and I'm all set for a long and healthy life!!!

I'd have to say that vegtables are my least favorite section of the table. I mean, I can do a salad with tomatos, but that's about it. I'm just not interested in green beans or broccoli. Speaking of tomatos and broccoli. VEGGIE TALES. I've heard so much about them lately, I'm getting quiet interested. All of my little cousins (1, 2, 5, and 6 year olds) know all of the songs, come to think of it, some of my friends (16, 17, and 18 year olds) do too... I do know the Cheeseburger song and I like it because it's funny. But can I raise a question about Veggie Tales? Have they ever done away with a character? Because honestly, all of the things that happen in that show would have to happen in a time span of about 2 weeks because that's all you can really get out of even a well grown vegtable. They would either have to be stored in a brown bag on the counter or Food Saved, but I don't see any of that happening. And even if they didn't kill of the character entirely they could at least have some mold growing on it or something, SOMETHING to make it a little realistic. Oh, do they have an avacado? Because I LOVE those. GUACAMOLE!!!

I had mexican food for both dinners this weekend. When I was in Austin I ate at Matt's El Rancho, and then today at El Arroyo... VERY, VERY good. I don't think I'll ever get tired of it! BTW, I'm still looking for a tortilla lady if any one needs a job...

Friday, September 17, 2004

Gettin Dirrty!!!

So this week for our weekly El Chico Night, the fam went to Chipotle. BOY was that gooooood. I had so much food, and ate EVERY single bite. Last year I got questioned as to whether I was anorexic because of my skinniness, let me tell you, I ain't no Mary-Kate. Anyway, my battle with weight is not the point of my story. The point is the RANDOMness of my family. The entire dinner I visualized how funny a reality show would be about us. The highlight of the night was what I would call "Conversations About Dirt" if we DID have a TV show. We must have spent 10 minutes discussing the differences between mulch, top soil, and compost. Incase you don't know what each of these is: mulch is a combination of bark substances or wood chips that create a nice visual effect on the top of a garden, top soil is just plain dirt, and compost basically a pile of trash that after weeks and weeks of rotting becomes good soil that you can plant from. However it was decided that although a compost pile may produce desirable soil, the smell from it may negate the positives about it.

Back in my childhood days me and my siblings would go to the side of our house where all this dirt is and have mud fights where we would drench the dirt with water, and basically jump around and throw mud at each other. This didn't make my parents very happy since it became a weekly ordeal. We got very creative with the mud, making mud restaurants featuring mud platters and Mudshakes... get it? HA...

ANYWAY yes yes yes. Dirt really is weird isn't it? I mean, what IS it. If someone asked you what it was you'd say "dirt" right? But what IS dirt? Oh I think I'm digging too deep. OH DIGGING! GET IT?! Wow... Then there's also the question, is sand considered dirt too? Or is sand just sand, and dirt is just dirt. Then there's the movie Joe Dirt, which I did not see, didn't really have the desire to. Last time I was at Magic Time Machine one of the waiters was Joe Dirt, he was loud and obnoxious, my waitress was the ever so energetic Tooth Fairy. Good times, good times. Dirt is really everywhere. Like who decided that the word for being filthy and smelly would be "dirty." To me that's like calling all soft drinks "Coke." We're just making a generalization that dirt is a bad thing, when really, without dirt WE WOULD NEVER BE WHERE WE ARE TODAY. (Sound like a funny comment, but if you actually think about it, it's kinda true...)

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

What is the WORLD Coming To?!

Geez folks what's going on? Martha Stewart's going to JAIL! Today she requested that he judge send her to prison "as soon as possible." (So she can "get it over with and move on.") Martha, Martha, Martha! (If you say that like Jan Brady says "Marsha", it's pretty amusing) But seriously, here we have this woman who's never done anything wrong but help you waste money on Taiwanese-made goods from K-Mart, and she's going to JAIL! I can not IMAGINE what it will be like for her. I mean seriously, SERIOUSLY. She has so many decisions to make before she gets there. I mean, what count linens should she bring? What colors would best accent the features of her room, I mean, cell. I can't help but imagine all of the grief she will go through every day, they'll probably all make her do their laundry. Heck, I would if Martha moved in next to me. I'd have her cookin, cleanin, and making lots of those sculptures out of watermelons. TELL ME you've seen those, they can make all kinds of animals and what not just from watermelons and other sorts of fruits. I've also always wanted a giant ice sculpture. Those look really neat, although I don't think prisons carry the molds and other supplies required to make those, that's something I'd have to check on. BUT back to my main point. Who's next to go to jail? OPRAH?! OK let me tell you, the day Oprah does something bad enough to get sent to jail, we might as well all pack our bags and go because SERIOUSLY she's like the nicest person on earth. And even if Oprah DID get sent to jail, she'd probably just tape her show there, the inmates could be her audience and instead of cars maybe she'd give away catered meals or something (When you've had prison food for days upon days, a catered meal is like a miracle. BELIEVE me, I would know) OK so after Martha's out of jail (probably around March-April) she'll have another sentence of 5 months of "House Arrest" which in Martha's case they should just rename it, "Be Normal." She got to choose which of her luxurious houses she would be "locked up" in for 5 months and I'm sure it won't be that bad. I mean, if I was in jail for 5 months, I spend the next 5 months at home catching up on all the shows I had missed, so I'd be home anyway...

SPEAKING of K-Mart (I mentioned it earlier when talking about cheaply made foreign products) WHAT is the deal with their ad campaigns?! They have more commercials than the Gap and they aren't even in Texas anymore! I think I've had enough of the WB ones where the stars of Reba and Seventh Heaven strut around in K-Mart clothes. WHICH let me tell you, ANY of the clothes you see on those commercials like Target, Gap, or other clothing stores, you can NOT find in the store. It's impossible. And if you DO find the clothes, they don't look good on you anyway. Or wait, maybe that's just me...

Sunday, September 12, 2004

For Every Thing in Life, There is Purpose

OK so we're told that everything is on this earth for a reason right? I am SERIOUSLY having a problem seeing the reason behind the ant's existance. For real though. WHAT good has any ant ever done? I mean, we have seeing eye dogs, search dogs, and all other sorts of animals that contribute to human existance. But ants? All they do is make these huge homes made of DIRT and bite people! OK, so why am I so angry? I was down at the lake today, you know, minding my own business when I look down at my flip-flopped foot that has been COVERED in ants. AHHHH!!! I scream at the ants (as if they would hear my and understand that I'm mad) and quickly brush them off of my foot. Well GREAAAAAAAT. So now my foot starts getting really itchy and swelling up. At that point I condemned all ants in the world for their actions against mankind. I don't know if these ants were allergic to the coconut-based sun tan lotion on my foot or they were just some non-toxic ants, but luckily the swelling on my foot went away and I'm happy again. Don't get me wrong though, I still hate ants.

Let's go back now about seven years. My tenth birthday. Happy right? Well, I got this new toy called the STOMP ROCKET. AWESOME. OK so this rocket is set on a tube that's connected to a large balloon of air, so when you STOMP on it, the rocket shoots into the sky. So I'm out in my front yard right? Just having a grand ole time shooting this rocket when all of a sudden, it lands in the bushes next to my house. Naturally I go into the bushes to get the rocket right? Well once again, MY LUCK, as I'm getting the rocket. I step RIGHT into a GIANT pile of fire ants. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! My foot is ON FIRE. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND the madness of it all. I jumped so far out of those bushes that I could have won an Olympic medal. So fire ants right? They make these nasty white bumps wherever they bite. My ENTIRE heel was covered in them for like, the next two weeks. I couldn't put shoes or socks on it hurt so bad.

I sure this is all funny and entertaining for you, but it CERTAINLY wasn't for me, so I hope you're happy with yourself for laughing at a poor, helpless, and hurting child... You should be ASHAMED.

One more thing I don't see a purpose for in this world: Foley's Red Apple Sale. Seriously though. They have them EVERY week. Yet there are still people that are impressed by Foley's marking down their already over priced clothing up to 70%! I'm just tired of hearing/seeing all of their advertising that makes the Red Apple Sale look like something that only comes around once, when in actuality it makes as many appearances as Cher has had on her 10 year farewell tour. And THAT is all I have to say about that...

Thursday, September 09, 2004


So last night while watching TV in like, a 45 minute block, I must have heard the words "Bed Bugs" used a THOUSAND times. Seriously, it was really weird. So after like, the 850th time someone said "bed bugs" I got to thinking. What exactly ARE these "bed bugs". "Don't let the bed bugs bite," is actually the entire phrase. I just DON'T understand it. Are they assuming that you're sleeping in a bed of lice? Or do they think that your house is just so nasty that you would be accustomed to sleeping with roaches? Either way, it's kinda just a really random phrase to say. All I know is that if I went to sleep every night having to worry about some little creatures eating me to death, you better believe those sheets would be SOAKED in OFF. Actually, I have another idea. I've always wanted a reason to put some of those tiki torches in my room... Maybe I could just surround my bed with them. Kinda like a Survivor tribal council meeting... Of course, then I would burn my entire house down defeating the entire purpose of the torches. But you KNOW they would look cool for at least those first five minutes.

Speaking of Survivor, THE APPRENTICE COMES BACK TONIGHT! I never actually liked Survivor, but THE APPRENTICE is my life. It's Survivor in NYC and The Donald would say. Last season was wonderful with the psychoness of Sam, and the inspiration for the movie Liar Liar, Omarosa, making appearances as well. Seriously that girl was INSANE. It's too bad Kwame didn't have the sense enough to fire her in the 2nd to last episode, that could have won it for him. Anyone that suffers a concussion from having a piece of molding lightly caress their scalp can be considered clinically insane (believe me, I asked a doctor). Of course then there was Omarosa accusing Erika of making a racist remark when she used the phrase, "Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Which was followed by Omarosa's genius response, "Well there you go again with your racist terms."... I'll just leave it at that.

I can only hope that this season will bring us as much drama as the first, which Trump says there is even MORE racial-driven drama in this season than in the first. The show will begin Boys VS. Girls again but the tasks will be much more challenging as 18 contestants get cut down to one who will become, what's that again? OH YES. THE APPRENTICE. Who do I predict will win? Well, I don't exactly know since I haven't seen the first episode yet. However, I'm putting my money on the girl with the fro. DON'T mess with the fro.

From Willis on Diff'rent Strokes, to the Rubberband Man (from the Office Max commercials), fros have been a HUGE part of television history. Today I will briefly talk about fros and their influence on American life.

Some people are made for the fro, and some are not. For instance, Brandon from this season's The Amazing Race, is not made for the fro. Sorry Brandon, you're too nerdy and, white, for a fro it this stage of your life. Another person who the fro just didn't work out for was American Idol's runner up, Justin Guarini. OK let's just be honest here, his fro was MASSIVE. I went to the American Idol concert that first year in the SECOND balcony, and couldn't see a THING cuz that boy's hair was shoved in my face. Also, it obviously didn't work for him when he didn't win, his CD flopped, and he got hit with a lawsuit by an old couple who claims got hit by Guarini's car. I must give him credit though, I did see him on VH1 WITHOUT the fro. Sadly, that didn't work out for him either. So I came up with a suggestion. Justin: PAPER BAG. YOUR HEAD. The fro did work for another Justin (for a very short period of time). *NSYNC's Justin Timberlake successfully sported his tribute to the young Michael Jackson for quite some time before he got hit by a man holding a weed eater that sadly cut it all off. The fro will live on forever, quite possibly making its next successful appearance on Stacie from the new season of The Apprentice. (Stay tuned to find out)

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Acceptance is the First Step

OK so there are some things in life that I have come to accept that I will NEVER understand. You know, those random things that exist for no reason at least that you know of. For instance, a perfect example is those giant inflatable gorillas. I mean seriously. I saw this huge PINK gorilla that had an orange t-shirt on outside this car dealership in Mesquite this weekend. I understand that it's supposed to attract attention, but does seeing a giant (UGLY) fake gorilla on the side of the road make you wanna go test drive a new SUV? I would have loved to have been in the meeting with the dingbat that suggested a pink monkey for their advertising, (I mean no ill feelings to, which has helped me through many an english test, it just came out that way) I would have laughed very hard. (And then gotten fired because apparently they liked the idea or the gorilla wouldn't have been there.) WHICH reminds me. Do yall remember MIGHTY JOE YOUNG? That was a different movie... I saw it the other day and I was totally freaked out when I realized that it starred now Oscar Award Winner, Charlize Theron. No, not as Joe, but as his zookeeper/helper person. I guess all stars start small... or BIG in this occasion. (Get it? Mighty Joe Young was BIG... ya, I'm sorry, not funny, but I had to say it)

Another thing that is just hard to understand is AOL. SERIOUSLY. NO ONE LIKES YOU AOL. Name one good thing you've done other than AIM. WHOOPS! Can't do it can you AOL?! NO. Because AOL is the leader in slow, hard-to-understand, money wasting internet. But I don't think AOL realizes this because what do I get in the mail every day? THAT'S RIGHT, an AOL CD. I mean really, at first it was cool like, twice a year getting free internet in the mail. Then it became every month, then every week, now every day. Except for weekends thank goodness. OH WAIT. That's RIGHT! When we can't get CDs sent to us in the mail, they just stuff them in the paper! I must have 10,000 AOL CDs, and STILL don't have AOL... If they would just send me a blank CD I could at least burn CDs of what I want (and I wouldn't hate them so much.) Stay tuned for AOL CDs coming in your cereal boxes and with your check when you go out to eat. I kid you not, that day will come.

And lastly, to round out the list of things that I just don't understand is that person that NO ONE understands: Ms. Britney Spears. Who is formally Mrs. Jason Alexander, who will soon be Mrs. Kevin Federline, and who is now known to the public as just Britney. Britney started as a cute little girl on the Mickey Mouse Club, who we now know is NOT THAT INNOCENT. She then started her solo career with her hit, HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME. Then went on to hit the charts several more times which was enough to DRIVE ME CRAZY, and it all started going downhill from there. SOMETIMES I wonder if Britney thinks about some of the things she does. She kissed Madonna, became a Kabbalah person, got married in Vegas, got an anullment, and got engaged, yet she still claims that she is STRONGER because of all of it. Now, I'm not trying to make it ME AGAINST THE MUSIC of Britney Spears, I'll admit, I know the words to most of her tunes, (but let's be honest people, WE ALL know all of the words to her songs) her songs are TOXIC in the way that they become an addiction to listeners. But anyway, now that she's about to be married for the second time, doesn't that take her out of that, NOT-YET-A-WOMAN stage? I probably shouldn't make fun of her so much though, I mean SHE'S SO LUCKY, SHE'S A STAR, BUT SHE CRY CRY CRIES IN HER LONELY HEART when all of this stuff comes out in the tabloids about her. Oh wait, no she doesn't because she PUTS herself out there for the tabloids so she can stay popular! That's right, I totally forgot. I feel bad for Britney so I will never make fun of her anymore.

BTW, Britney is a horrible lip syncher, stick to the dancing Brit! Oops... I DID IT AGAIN.

(Excuse my cheesiness in the last paragraph, it just became a fun challenge to incorporate as many of her songs into it as I could.)

PS. All you Britney lovers out there! She and Kevin COULD be starring in a new edition of MTV's Newlywed's. Giving everyone ONE more reason to be annoyed by her! WOOHOO!!!

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Movie Preview Blowout!!!

OK guys for the end of this year, (yes, it is coming to the END of 2004) we have TONS of movies coming out. And now I will give you a little preview of them.

September: The first of SIX Jude Law movies that are coming out between September and Christmas is Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Also starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie, the entire movie is computer generated (except for the actors of course) making it look like a very WEIRD, Spy Kids 3D-type world. I might just see it because I don't know what the heck it's about. I'm gonna go on a limb and say that it's possibly about a Sky Captain that does something to change the world on the next day... Sept. 17

Then there's the chick flick, Wimbeldon, starring Kirsten Dunst and Paul Bettany... Who am I kidding? NO ONE knows who Paul Bettany is. Let's start over. Then there's Wimbeldon, starring Kirsten Dunst. A movie that I'm assuming is about two tennis players who hate each other at first, and have like, one of those scenes where they're slamming the tennis ball back and forth really hard (as if they were angry at one another) and the scene ends up with them embracing and kissing into the sunset. In the end, the two who were once enemies, get married, and have lots of tennis-playing children. Sept. 17

Next we have Vanity Fair starring Reese Witherspoon. As long as it's nothing like Legally Blonde 2, it's probably good. I mean, she has red hair in this one so it has to be better. Set in the 19th century (which for those of you who don't know what that means, is the 1800's) Vanity Fair follows Reese's character, Becky Sharp, as she makes her way to the top of the London society... Hmm. I don't really know what that means. I'm guessing she's just dancing around in one of those huge dresses and talking with an accent most of the time. Sept. 1

And now The Forgotten. This movie stars Julianne Moore as a person who's memory gets erased. The title suggests that this movie is somewhat biographical seeing as Ms. Moore's last movie, Laws of Attraction, was indeed Forgotten. But seriously, her character starts out living a nice family life until one day her family does not exist anymore. Blah blah blah, she finds out that someone's erased her mind, she finds her family, seeks revenge, loud crashes occur. Go see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (if you aren't prone to motion sickness, because it made me nauseous) because it's like the same thing. Sept. 24

OK if I keep reviewing all of these movies it will take forever, so I'm just gonna kinda one line them.

Ladder 49: Stars John Travolta and Joaquin Phoenix as they battle fires, save lives, and play firefighters who serve as every day heroes. This should be a HOT one! (get it? hot, Oct. 1

Shark Tale: Stars Will Smith, and I just can't get myself to want to see this movie because honestly, that fish is just ugly, at least Nemo was cute. GO GET FINDING NEMO ON DVD INSTEAD. Oct. 1

Raise Your Voice: For all you Hilary Duff fans out there, she stars in the movie about a girl who goes to summer music camp and finds herself, and no doubt trips and falls down a set of stairs in the process JUST to pay tribute to Lizzie McGuire. Oct. 8

Lastly, Ray: Collateral's Jamie Fox stars as the blind singer Ray Charles. That's all I know. He's blind and plays the piano. (He also died this year.) Oct. 29

The Incredibles: Disney's last collaboration with Pixar animation studios brings us this movie about a family of superheroes. (hopefully it's not as bad as Disney Channel's original movie about the same subject) I still don't know if I'll like this one, but then again, I didn't know if I'd like Nemo, then I did... Nov. 5

Christmas With the Kranks: Stars Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis, who looks JUST like Jill from Home Improvement so I don't know what they were trying to do there but this looks like it's just a Christmas Vacation wannabe, and we all know that movie will never be outdone. (Look for a hilarious scene involving a canned ham rolling down the street... MAN how far will they go just to get a joke?! That's OURTAGEOUS!) Nov. 24

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason: All I know about this movie is that Renee Zellweger gained a ton of weight for it and that she's on the edge of reason... Seriously, that's all I know. Nov. 19

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie: I'm sorry, I just cannot bring myself to like him, and I don't know why anyone does, what's so cool about a yellow sea sponge? (Which by the way, they are NOT perfectly square when they come out of the ocean so it's all essentially a lie...) Nov. 19

The Polar Express: A computer animated movie starring Tom Hanks as the conductor, this was my FAVORITE children's book that I read every year at Christmas so this movie better be AMAZING or someone's gonna get it. Nov. 10


Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events: Jim Carrey stars in this Harry Potter wannabe that looks just depressing kinda, although I've heard that the books are popular, but then again, I don't read! Dec.17

Ocean's Twelve: All twelve of the gang are back to steal more money! (not only in the movie, but out of our pockets as we pay $8 to go see it) Dec. 10

MEET THE FOCKERS: I CANNOT WAIT. Even though Barbra Streisand is like, the weirdest woman on this earth, I know she will be hilarious as Greg Focker's mother as the two families meet. Dec. 22

Fat Albert: I can't believe I'm actually writing about it. BUT WOW. I WILL NOT see this movie. Kenan Thompson is the very cartoonish, Fat Albert, who is I'm assuming just fat an annoying for an hour and a half throughout the movie. For more reason not to see it, Raven and Aaron Carter also make appearances in it. Dec. 25

Those are only some of the 80+ movies coming out this Fall/Winter.
For now, GO SEE GARDEN STATE!!! Woohoo. It's a good one.